2016, a New year with mixed emo’s

New years
I’ve entered the New Year on a high note. Done the honorable gesture and also what my soul longed for, we went to church. I’ve enjoyed it to the fullest. Church was awesome. I felt that we are so fortunate to see the New Year that it should really be celebrated until the sun rises. If not with a crowd of people then at least with the one you love. Alas I came back home, had to kick off my heels and get into bed. I’m not sure what to call this, but I feel that I want to enjoy my life to the extent that I’m forced to go sleep. I feel sleeping especially on a day like this, is wasting your ‘being alive’ time. I want to live my life completely, abundantly, to the max…I want to live. Makes me think that opposites actually frustrates and not attracts. That was a trap!! My dearest husband seems never interested in a New years party.  And sometimes I want out. (jokingly said…I love him to bits).

 
A friend I kind of grew up with…no, actually we spend a lot of holidays together during my childhood when dad went to visit his parents in his home town, passed away. The times we were there the two of us got so close that when the holiday was over both of us felt incredibly sad. On coming to mom’s place after church I got the news that she passed away just after midnight. And I cannot describe the sadness that flooded my soul at that moment. It felt like I lost my dear sister. I’m probably not good at showing my emotions, I mean who cries just a few hours into the New Year. I wouldn’t want to spoil the mood for anyone. But that doesn’t take the loss I felt away. I still wanted to cry out loud over my friend that was gone. We had snacks with mom and dad for a while and chatted about stuff and all the while I pretended that everything is fine. I pretended that I wasn’t that upset about Katerina’s death as I was. After we left from moms we went to my eldest sister to wish them for the new year and I thought that maybe I’ll find some conciliation in her company because she knows how close me and Katerina was when growing up. But yet again, it was treated as just one of those things. Nothing too disruptive, just the cycle of life. I remember one particular school holiday when me and sis was visiting our grandparents, Katerina slept over the whole duration of our stay. One evening my older sister and niece went out but me and Katerina was still too young to go with them. The moment they left, me and Katerina raided my sisters make-up bag and did each others faces in all the colors possible. We played dress up and did the catwalk in my sister’s high heels. We had so much fun and needless to say was in big trouble when the big girls got home. We could play for hours and even when we turned into awkward teenagers we still looked forward to see each other every time we visited.  Those were the things that made for awesome childhood memories. And Katerina was a happy memory I will treasure forever.

 

I was hoping that me and my boo would be able to spend some time alone before going to bed on new years morning. I was hoping that we could go somewhere to watch the sun rise, instead he is tired and goes straight to bed. There I was, full of energy and full of heartache. I laid in bed with tears rolling softly down my cheeks for a friend that I wont ever see again and who did not get to see 2016.

My moto for 2016, “Don’t just be…genuinely live your life to the fullest!”

Love

Rainbow C

 

 

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