Happy Tuesday everyone!
I’ve had to switch off for a few weeks to mourn the passing of my grandma. I’m starting on a sad note…I know, but I feel the need to say something about my current situation. A clip on Facebook said that …”anything in life that struggles just needs to be unplugged and plugged in again then it will work once again”. That’s what I was doing I think. Got unplugged for a bit but I’m back on now:-)
Granny was 81 years old and her body was tired. Her spirit was full of life and if she could choose she would’ve liked to stay with us, and we wanted so badly for her to stay. But it was time for her earthly body to be laid down. I miss her tremendously and feel her absence in all that I do. Watching my mom mourning the death of her mom was more heartbreaking that I could ever have imagined. I cant help to shed more tears each time I think of her. Death is an event that cannot be stopped, put on hold or cancelled for anything. You don’t have no choices and your word means not a thing. Acceptance and contentment is all you can contribute when that day comes. For those left behind the pain might feel too much to bare, but time is an incredible force. As it goes by you begin to cope with the absence and the pain. I know we will all be fine one day but for now we cry.
A letter to mamma.
“I wish moving to a new dimension when God called you home wasn’t such a scary and unhappy time for us. I wish we could’ve been open to approach that moment with less fear. The thought of not being present and the fear of not knowing what will happen next must’ve been overwhelming for you. I wish I could’ve told you not to be scared and that we’ll be with you until you’ve settled in on the other side and afterwards return to our side. I wish I could phone you to ask if you doing okay and if you made new friends. Mamma, your passing has left us in agony and I believe this feeling will be with us for long. I keep on replaying all the scenes of the days before you went, up to the day we laid you to rest over and over in my head as if I don’t want to forget. As if I’m searching for a moment that I might’ve missed. I keep on thinking of ways that I could have made the transition to the other side more comfortable and less tragic for you. But that wasn’t in my hands. That was a path big enough for only two persons, and that was you and God. I would like to think that He embraced you as soon as you came on that path. I hope God took you by the hand and softly whispered that you don’t have to fear one bit because you in His territory. I pray that all you saw before you was so, soooo much more beautiful than anything behind you, that you never looked back once. I pray that you felt overjoyed and free the moment you exhaled. Dear mamma, the pain I feel in my heart is unbearable because you meant so much to me. I loved you deeply and I still do. I miss your face, I miss your voice, I miss you mamma.”