I stumbled upon this article on Peace Quarter’s website. Really interesting theory on love and somewhat troubling as well. Makes me think of that song by Julio Eglesias, “To all the girls I’ve loved before.” My perception about any given subject is to always take from it what is useful and beneficial to me. Other than that you chuck away. I don’t necessarily disregard their understanding of this highly complicated emotion called love, but it does give you something to think about. And in Julio’s case, something to sing about.
“We only fall in love with three people in our lifetime”
“It is a common belief that each person only falls in love three times during their lifetime. However, each one of these happens under a very different light from the one before and each serves a very different purpose.
The First Love
The first love happens when we are young, sometimes as young as the time we are in high school. This love fulfills the dreams of our youth and fulfills our idealistic belief of what we expect love to look like – just like the fairy tales.
This love fulfills our need to live up to society’s expectations. We jump into this love headfirst believing that this person will be our only love (even if it does not feel quite right) and convince ourselves that this is how love should look like. This love focuses more on how others perceive us versus how we actually feel.
The Second Love
The next love, the second love, is the hard love. This is the love that teaches us lessons about ourselves and what we need to feel loved in any relationship. This love brings with it great pain – the pain of loss, deceit and lies.
During this love we believe we are doing things differently, but we are not. We tend to hold steadfast to this love because this relationship is different from the last one. However, this one is the one where we will grow. This is the one where we will experience pain. And this is the love where we will realize what we really need out of our next relationship.
The issue with this love is it can tend to become cyclical – repeating the same issues over and over and expecting a different result. Unfortunately, each time through the cycle the ending is worse.
This love is often unhealthy and rather unbalanced. During this love there can be emotional or physical abuse and often there is some form of manipulation at play. This love is surrounded by a constant state of drama and this drama is the reason we hold on. The drama becomes addictive and it becomes hard to break the cycle.
This love brings with it a strong need to make things work versus focusing on if the relationship is working. This is the love we hoped would last forever.
The last love is the love that comes out of left field. This is the love that surprises us and destroys any ideas of what we believed our love should look like. This love is easy and we wonder how it is possible that love could be this simple and has no complications. It is the love that sweeps us off our feet because we were not looking for a relationship.
This is the love where everything feels as though it is falling perfectly into place. This love is uncomplicated and is not filled with expectations. Perfection is not something we feel pressure to achieve and find ourselves perfectly content in our lives and our relationship.
This love does not look like the love we dreamed we would have and this love does not follow any of the rules we had set up for ourselves. This love breaks any notions we had about what our greatest love would look like and shatters any beliefs of how we thought it would be.
This love just simply feels right. It is the love that has been knocking at our doors for ages and we finally decided to answer. It is the love that teaches us how to feel love and to give love.
You may not have experienced all three of these loves yet, but perhaps it is because you are just not ready for each love. Love is an experience – it deserves processing and appreciation.
You might find that you only have one love during your lifetime. Do not fret; you are not required to have multiples loves during your lifetime. Your journey to that third love is not identical to any other person’s journey. Your journey is yours only and you will be the only one to experience your love story.
No matter where you are in the cycle of love – the ideal love, the broken love or the perfect love – you will find that you can learn something in each love. Because each love provides us the ability to find that perfect love. The love that lasts. The love that proves that your other loves were not supposed to work.”
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