See it for what it is – Part 2

You know what? I’ve literally sat at my desk and cried as I read the replies to the article of “Married to a Narcissistic husband”. I feel deeply saddened that women are going through so much pain in their marriages. I probably don’t deserve to say anything being imperfect myself, but this is really not fair. To think there are so many unhappy people out there is disheartening. So many of them would rather die than continue to live like that, but is too scared to do anything.

Everyone is telling a story of the dark side of their husbands. How charming and friendly he acts and then BAM!! He throws his twisted ways towards her like it’s nothing. Emotionally and verbally abuses her taking from her all of her dignity and self-esteem. Throwing accusations and insults at her like what and who she is doesn’t matter.

My dear, dear ladies. I’m appalled by this.

Are we really that weak? Or are we actually strong? Or fake strong?? Why would we allow such unhappiness over our lives? This is teaching our sons and daughters that it’s okay to tolerate such negativity. We must really start thinking about their future and how our decisions and behaviors affect them.

I stand for emancipation, freedom of the mind and soul. The minute your honor and happiness is threatened you have more than enough grounds to reconsider your position in that relationship. The probability of your whole future being jeopardized due to hopeful restitution is way too much of a gamble.

Let’s look at what the website said of how you’d deal with a narcissistic husband.

“If you want to try to address some of the imbalances, you can try the following:

  • Convince your husband that giving you what you want reflects well on him. Narcissists are very concerned with outward appearances.
  • Always apply flattery before suggesting something your spouse can do for you. He is more likely to be generous if his ego tank is full.
  • Use positive reinforcement. At any time your spouse supports you or does something unselfish; reinforce that behaviour with praise so they will want to do it again.
  • Don’t dismiss his grievance even if he is being irritable. Listen. Then use echoing (paraphrasing what they said) or mirroring (let them know you are familiar with the feeling they are having) to show them you understand.
  • Check in often. Your spouse will be more tolerant of you doing things on your own if you periodically touch base to remind him that you

Above all be sure not to lose sight of who you are. Remember that your goal is to create a better relationship.” Source: http://thenarcissisticlife.com/married-to-a-narcissitic-husband

Is this for real? I mean seriously, what is that old saying: “it takes two to tango” so does the above implicate that you as the wife needs to work towards a ‘better relationship’ all by yourself?? I don’t know if I understand this correct or am I just being stubborn. Sure it can probably work if you really really love the guy?? No I don’t think so. Or really really desperate?? Sorry, I didn’t want to say that word – desperate.

Now listen to this. Lawd have mercy because I don’t understand.

“These are some other things you can do for yourself living with a narcissistic husband.

  • Create a support system outside of the household, whether it is friends or a mental health professional. They can provide you with accurate perceptions of you and your actions.
  • Maintain connections to the outside world. This will help counteract the negative feedback you get at home.
  • Maintain your self-esteem. A narcissistic husband will often belittle you and put you down. Members of your support system can assist you if they know what is going on.
  • Establish personal boundaries and communicate them to your narcissistic spouse. It is important to be consistent with these boundaries if you do not, he will exploit that fact. If you give in just once, he is likely to disregard all you preferences.
  • Keep an eye out for escalating abuse. Although it isn’t that common for a narcissistic husband to turn physically violent, it does happen. He is already in a verbally abusive relationship so it can happen. You need to take a serious look if he suddenly becomes more possessive and controlling, the verbal abuse increases, criticism intensifies, he requires all control of finances, or if he isolates you from family and friends.” Source: http://thenarcissisticlife.com/married-to-a-narcissitic-husband

Please be reminded that the above paragraph as well as the bullet points before is suggestions that were shared on public websites by Alexander Burgemeester from the University of Amsterdam. And I can’t help but to think that a woman’s advice would’ve been much more welcoming to my mind.  Respectfully said. Imagine living in a world where this person don’t really want you in their lives but also don’t want you to leave and at the same time treat you like crap day in and day out. Sucking out every stream of life, love and living that you had.

I’ll have to sleep on this and do some more research. This cannot be it. This cannot be the solution and the end of the road for some very sad and lonely wife out there.

I will be back with Part 3.

Love you, love me Chanty









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