It is commonly known that boys have a different way of communicating than girls and so also men have a different way of communicating than women. They don’t always use the words that women want to hear. One summer evening after the kids went to sleep, hubster and I were chilling in our bedroom with the lights off, listening to some music. Then this song comes up and I remember it because I heard him singing it countless times before out of the blue. I ask him about it and he says…”This is one of the songs that I loved singing when thinking of you…it stuck in my head…those days when we were dating I never knew how to tell you stuff so I use to listen to songs to help me put into words what I felt for you…but you never caught on” lol
In those years I was innocently clueless when it came to love and relations🙈so I never realized that the song was meant for me. Luckily we both matured in the communications department and we “get” each other most of the time. With 20’odd years of knowing each other, of which we are married for 16 years, we have comfortably settled “into” one another. Our communication style definitely changed over the years…it is more rich in wisdom and affection.
I was reminded that most of the time men would rather find other ways to express their feelings instead of talking about it. Let’s face it. They were never good at showing emotions and stuff. So there had to be other ways to get a message across…it was and still is up to us ladies to tune into their frequency of communication. How often do we misinterpret that subtle technique of connecting?
It makes me think of the different types of love languages that are broadly discussed at marriage counselling and seminars. It is so important for us to speak and understand our spouses love language.
Love language is the approach your partner use to express his/her love to you sometimes involuntary. Identifying each other’s love language is something that most couples struggle with in the beginning of their relationship. It’s understandable, because they are at the starting phase of their partnership and just getting to know each other. The love language that you radiate is something you figure out much later in a relationship. Sadly it is often overlooked by many couples.
So, since we’re on the subject we might as well take a quick look at what the different types of love languages are that men and women use.
Words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as: “You look beautiful in that suit.” Or “You always look incredible in that dress! Wow!”
Acts of service. By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her like doing the dishes, taking her car to the garage so that she don’t have to do it.
Spending quality time together. Giving someone your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other while talking.
Giving a gift of love. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” A thoughtful gift confirms that you were on your spouse’s mind when he was looking for it.
Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse. (https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage by Gary Chapman)
Marriage is a beautifully complicated union that has the ability to make us feel hopeless if we don’t understand our partner’s emotions in every way possible. I want to encourage you to tap into your husband’s needs and support him where communication is concerned. It will be worth your while.