I have to come clean on a few things I’ve been struggling with for some time now. I cannot truly say that I’m content with everything in my life at the moment. Keeping a healthy balance between work, family, finances and health is constantly pressing me. I just feel extremely off the track. It was easy for me to write about this issue, but it wasn’t easy to decide whether to post it or not. Firstly I had to ask PMJ♥ for consent because we agreed that I wouldn’t get too detailed about our family matters. So yes…it’s a touchy subject. Yes, it’s a sensitive issue. But its life and we are all dealing with some kind of drama. It is concerns that everyone encounter with from time to time.
My job is dreary…real dreary
I’ve put into an email my feelings about my 9-5 job to PMJ♥ and it wasn’t good. I basically told him that working at the nuclear plant I’ve been at for almost 8 years sucks. This is the job we prayed for and this is a job that a lot would be so grateful for. My reasoning for feeling dull at work is that my purpose has shifted. And it’s not just a phase:-) Or rather since I found, which I believe is my true purpose in life, I don’t feel like dragging on with something that I don’t care about anymore. But to be on the safe side I need to be there. So except for not finding any stimulation or motivation to do this thing I’m just not feeling it anymore.
I hate to sound ungrateful because I really do get it…there is thousands of people looking for jobs who would give anything to be in a permanent stable position, but it’s not enough to change my mind about how I feel. I don’t feel any fulfillment at the moment; I get to my desk and my mind wanders off to what I love doing. And sometimes I do just that. Which is not right? See? No balance.
My baby girl is growing up and I’m not home!!
Last night I got emotional when Princess♥ (I’ll call my daughter that) ran off to her bed not wanting to talk to me, not even wanting to lay next to me to fall asleep. I feel that I’m neglecting her at the moment because of the extra hours I’m forced to work. I’m not spending nearly as much time with her as I’d like to and it’s taking its toll on our relationship. I can literally feel the two of us growing further and further apart. This is the scariest thing for a mother to see happening. I do make time, I really do make time to chat to her about her day and how she feels but only to a point where I correct her about something then she gets upset and run off either sitting with her dad until she falls asleep or going to her bed. I hate this. My son Starboy♥ (I’ll call him that) is mature in the sense that I can explain to him the circumstances of our family matters and he’ll understand. He’ll even support where he can. PMJ♥ says I’m over reacting and she’s going through a phase but still, I really feel guilty not being able to do all the things I want to with Princess♥ and Starboy♥. See? No balance.
Have you seen the cost of avocado pears let alone the price of eggs!!
Can I be honest with you for a moment? I’m struggling to keep my head above water!! As if you didn’t notice that before:-) …The cost of living in SA has gone through the roof in a matter of a year. I cannot cope with all the increases in basically everything we need on a daily basis. My annual increase at work doesn’t even cover the increase in school fees, fuel let alone our data usages. We literally had to sit down with the kids to discuss ways on how to cut on our expenses. It was a very drastic decision but a very important decision we had to take. It’s ridiculous how much the cost of everything has gone up. We haven’t been making use of our cleaning lady for a while already and to think she used to bring her husband to help with a few of the chores and we paid them extra. I don’t ever have my hair done at the hair salon anymore, I almost never buy clothes or make-up anymore unless it’s for a special function, PMJ♥ just don’t buy anything for himself…he doesn’t even take the cars to the valet anymore. Every time you think things are getting better, then another thing pops up to screw it up. For example the brakes to our car need to be done soon. Car maintenance are the worst…it’s so expensive!! We use to go away as a family twice in a year…but now its staycation all the time. I dropped my part time studies because it’s an extra expense that could’ve gone for paying school fees. I really thought that by this time in my life, things would get easier and not harder. We’re on 100% hustle every day. Tax going up, economy not in a good space at all, everyone even government departments wants to save money. They just don’t do business as usual. We estimated that it would be for three months but really I’m not feeling optimistic about it at all. The battle is exhausting.
If you are feeling the pinch with me then take a look at the list below…we have to improvise to survive in this jungle!!
Ways to reduce the cost of living in your home:
- Compare and drop Insurance packages.
- Drop or cut DSTV packages.
- Change from medical aid to a hospital plan.
- Get yourself an excellent financial advisor to guide you with investments.
- Invest in liquid assets.
- Cut down the visits to Woolworths for groceries really!!
- No more make-up, no more nail appointments, no more subscriptions, no more using credit cards on Hyperli/Wikideals etc.
- No more online shopping.
- No more mani & pedicures for real!!
- No more take-ways, no more expensive dining. Stoppit with the Sushi!!
- Try to become 100% debt free and have no credit cards.
- Try saving money on fuel by lift-clubbing to and from school/work.
- Do fun outings that don’t charge entry fees.
- Buy clothes when cash it’s on special. Like Edgars 75% off Red hanger sale.
- Make your own muffins for lunchboxes; make your own tuckshop treats.
- Buy groceries in bulk.
The list can go on and on. The struggle is real.
To avoid this post from getting any longer I won’t even begin to tell you how imbalanced my wellness are at this time. I’ll just say that it’s to the point where I had to get an x-ray done on my ankle…that’s how bad it is.
I’m not complaining…I really do hope you don’t see it as complaining. I’m just being real for a moment. You know people, even family see you smiling not realizing the secret battles that is fought. My tale might sound insignificant, but this is a tough time for me. So let this remind us to be considerate of those around us. We don’t know what they are busy battling with. There is always someone who is worse off than you. Someone that have less to nothing that they have to work with. I have a roof over my head and shoes on my feet. I have food on my table and family who loves me.
I have enough and I’m grateful for that.
I love my regular worshiping sessions at church and at home. It really brings me back to realizing that I don’t have to get everything right myself…it brings me back to knowing who is in control of everything in my life. I would love to leave the Egyptian system behind me and start my passion project and just do that all of the time. But how will that influence our life at home. It’s not an easy decision. I don’t want to do the things I don’t care about but yet I have to. Balance is everything.
This is what I’m listening to♥ Watch out for part 2 of Finding balance.