Controlling your emotions in your marriage


It would’ve been great if I could tell you that I’m a professional marriage and family Therapist and that I have a PhD in psychology. But I’m not and I don’t…I’m an imperfect woman who is experiencing and dealing with life’s glitches like any other person. I’m also going through life in its raw and real state with outstretched arms…reaching in front of me feeling where, how and what lies ahead. Which makes my journey so much more authentic…so much more tangible.

Can you for just one moment read the following sentence out loud to yourself and then just think about it for a moment.

“To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part.”

That right there 🔝 has evoked so much emotion in my heart because I’ve literally said those words 16 years ago and never again thereafter. I don’t think anyone realize when saying those words for the first time, how much hard work actually goes into a flourishing marriage. I intently focused on each part of the declaration and it just has so much more meaning to me at this point. I have tremendous respect for the marriage vows but in the same breath I have to say that I have tremendous comprehension of how extremely complex it can become to honor it. Allow me to drop all pretenses…all defenses…all shields and just stand bare even if just for a moment. I don’t know how many of my close family members are secretly browsing my blog👀…so if y’all out there and my post come as a surprise to you; then I just want to say…SURPRISE🙌!!! My marriage has gone through the fire, been exposed to foreign terrain, has been under alien attack, but relaaaaaaaax…our love will always sing with passion and affection…it has come out on the other side purified and whole. God kept us and that’s the beauty of it all…He has the ability to make something beautiful out of ALL your confusion.


Yes. I’m flawed. I also came face to face with life’s ugliness. I walked on the shady dark road of anxiety and depression. I’m no superwoman…I’ve always presented myself to have everything under control so that I wouldn’t look weak…and fragile to sin. But I’m human. And what you see is not always a true reflection. My mom always told us that God gave each one of us a cross to carry. Each one of us has a different battle to fight whether it is our finances, our health, our marriage or challenges with our kids. But He will never give us something that we cannot bare. And what more…He will never forsake us. Our loving Father is concerned about everything that concerns us. His love pulled me from a very low point in my life closely towards Him. His supreme, unquestionable, undeserved love erased all our wrongdoings and placed us on a blank page…a fresh new start. He’s just reckless about His love like that. My mom is always right and I’m so grateful for our heart to heart talks❤. As big as I am today she’ll always encourage me to follow biblical principles to sort out anything I face.

I know this is where God wants me to be at this time. This is the platform that I’m most safe and comfortable at. He has a plan and purpose for me that include me sharing my message of hope and love for Christian marriages. Everyday I’m blessed out of my socks by all the incredible testimonies I read from fellow bloggers and then I just stand in awe of His great love towards me. Saturating me with such incredible beautiful love by placing these strangers directly on my path whom I can interact with and learn from.

I want to add that learning to control or manage your emotions within your marriage is just as important as controlling your tongue. We cannot always let our emotions get the better of us. Even the Bible teaches us that “the heart is deceitful above all things…” Meaning when our heart tells us to attach or detach it’s not necessarily the right thing to do because it can lead us astray. It can cause us to do or say unhealthy or dishonest things. It can take us to places we shouldn’t be going. It can steer us in wrong directions which causes great grieve for our marriages. That’s why it’s so important that we ask God to help us take control of our feelings. The enemy will try to overpower you by using different tactics. He’ll either put fear in your heart or misconceptions that lead you away from what God intended for you. When couples fail to put on the full armour of God, they are vulnerable to spiritual attacks and fail to resist the enemy and can become destructive like him. May God help you and me to recognize the enemy’s tactics and FLEE from them.

Shaunti Feldhahn had an interview on Focus on the family a while back and this is what she said about a survey that she had with married couples. “She said that these happily married couples would often “talk themselves out of being mad. Or when their thoughts started to go in a negative direction, they’re like, ‘Nope, I’m not going to go there. I’m going to do that Philippians 4 thing instead. [See: Philippians 4:8-9.] I really want to focus on what is not lovely, but I’m going to focus on what is lovely. Right now I’m really frustrated and I want to focus on what is not worthy of praise. But I’m going to focus on what is worthy of praise.

“It became such a habit over time, that in the end, it had become a part of their life. Two-thirds of them said, ‘I’ve gotten so used to doing this, I stop that negative train of thought before it even gets started.’ That’s one of the reasons that they are so enjoying being married, because they are constantly in the state of awareness of all of the good things, even when we’re dealing with issues like anybody else.” It’s okay to experience feelings of anger, and such, but when we allow them to take us to an ugly, sinful place, we’re stepping over the line into a wrong place.”

I pray God’s blessing and protection over every married person reading my post. I pray you have the courage and agility to fight against negative emotions that creeps up to destroy your beautiful marriages.

Love Chanty


Something beautiful, something good
All my confusion He understood
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife
But he made something beautiful of my life
He made something beautiful of my life…of my life. (

12 thoughts on “Controlling your emotions in your marriage

    1. Thank you darling. You know sometimes we get so caught up in getting it right…that we forget about the small things that really matter. And sometimes God just shakes it up a little bit to remind us about the vow that we made to each other and that’s in fact a big thing.
      Thanks for popping in:-)

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Mm there’s a reason why a married couple got married in the first place. Maybe remembering the reason why and “Recycling” it could help? 😀

    Deep thoughts here 😉

    Your pal,

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh Chanty thank you so much for the revival. I’m awakened by your post. I’ve only been married 2years and I’m taking every godly advice I can to keep my marriage in God’s hands. It’s not easy today to find transparent Christian women talking about marriage in such a beautiful manner you just did. Even Christians today are full of self pity and resentment with no faith in marriages anymore. I want to be different From the lot. I want to believe in the revival of Christian marriages. Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wonderful Zanele! I’m glad you could take something positive from my post. In our churches people tend to be so scared…full of pride and embarrassed to admit that they’re having problems in their marriages. It’s like being Christian meant that we have to be flawless…so we hide the truth, we pretend that our marriages are picture-perfect when in fact we should allow the Holy Spirit to work through us to be a testimony to couples out there. Marriage is beautiful and our union will flourish if we make Jesus the center of it all:-)
      God bless your marriage Zanele.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s